Processing
by awkwardturtle10
Summary: Set directly after the end of Downfall. Cal, Niko and Robin process everything that happened. Hugs and reassurances are included. Spoilers for Downfall, rated for language.


I need something fluffy so...here we are. Spoilers for Downfall! Hope you don't mind the abundance of warm and fuzzies. Please let me know what you think!

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An apricot wolf, tail wagging, dropped a dead rabbit at Rafferty's feet. Rafferty, in spite of his grumpy-ass self, smiled at Slay and scratched behind his ears. "Wonderful job, pup. The juiciest rabbit I've ever seen."

Apparently pleased with himself, Slay ran in a circle and then went back to his dad with bright eyes and drooling tongue. The kid had been through a lot, but he seemed to have gotten over it and was living the good life now. I didn't know how much he understood of what had happened tonight, but it was clear that he knew he was on an adventure, and one that apparently was moving toward a happy ending. Who the fuck would have thought?

Niko had been talking to Catcher, but they both had been distracted by Rafferty and Slay. Nik caught my eye when he looked up from the Wolf cub's gift. The look he gave me…it had been a really long time since I'd seen him look like that. Hell I might not have even been able to walk the last time he'd seemed that relaxed and happy. I closed the distance between us and threw an arm around his shoulders. Catcher grinned at us. "You two bastards just keep tearing the world up only to save it again, huh?"

"I think it may be time for us to retire from that particular hobby," Niko said.

Catcher laughed, "Amazing idea. What kind of trouble are you aiming to get into next?"

I shook my head. "I didn't think I was going to live another day, much less planned for it. I don't know what the hell to do now. What did you and Rafferty do when he got you back?"

Catcher's eyes darted over to Rafferty, who was very clearly eavesdropping. With a chuckle he said, "He pretty much tackled me and then he cried his eyes out and at some point went to a store to buy my naked ass some clothes. Then I think I made him take me to a Tim Horton's."

Rafferty rolled his eyes. "You're so full of shit, Catcher," he said, but he didn't correct any part of that story. I would bet money it was all true.

Niko reciprocated an arm around my shoulders and squeezed tightly. "I'm not buying you doughnuts, if that's what you're thinking. Just because you're alive doesn't mean you get to work your way up to an early heart attack."

Before I could protest, Ishiah appeared behind Robin who was standing several feet away. He whispered something into the puck's ear, and whatever it was, he was rewarded with Robin's tongue down his throat. Catcher threw another snowball, this time aimed at Robin's head, but its impact made no difference on the peri-puck reunion. I was in such a fucking good mood that I refrained from making any comments. I felt good, and exhausted. The euphoria and adrenaline from having been healed and not burned alive in the center of the sun were keeping me upright, but any kind of processing what the hell had just happened was pretty much making my brain want to shut down for about twenty hours. I let myself lean into Niko more, and rested my head on his shoulder. Robin and Ishiah were still making out and Rafferty and Catcher devolved into a one-on-one snowball fight, Catcher apparently being unable to keep himself from playing around for more than two minutes. Rafferty didn't really seem to mind, and even Slay and Flay joined them. Good for them. I could not imagine running or rolling around, much less in the snow. Niko didn't seem to either, and he wrapped his other arm around me so that he had me in a tight hug.

"I don't even know what to say," he said, his voice low.

I thought about that. Nik always knew what to say, how to reassure me, but I guess right now I didn't need reassurance about anything. Everything was okay. "I'm glad we're not dead," was all I could think of to say.

Nik snorted and released me, the relaxed look on his face still so foreign to me. "That was poetic Cal, really."

I patted him on the arm. "Nik I guess now we have the rest of our lives to process all this shit and fully express our emotions. Hell, maybe we'll start doing yoga and go to family therapy. But maybe for now, we'll just roll with it?"

"Wise words, kid," came Robin's voice, having apparently come up for air. "Now that I've properly saved both of your well-toned asses from impending doom, I think we should all get out of this snow and hit the hay. Or take a roll in it. To each his own. What do you say?"

I said the thing I really didn't want to say. "What about Grimm?"

Ishiah locked eyes with me, his gaze fierce and unavoidable. "Grimm is dead."

Well, what the hell. Maybe that made up for Ishiah having been a shitty coward when Nik and I were kids. Maybe. "Good," I said, and as another wave of holy-shit-this-is-over-hallelujah hit me, I added, "thanks. But uh, how exactly do we get out of here? I don't think I can or want to gate for a while." Huh. That was true. That little voice that had become ever-present in my head lately, the one that screamed about how right and good and wonderfully evil gates are, was gone. Wasn't that a neat trick?

A snowball hit me in the shoulder, accompanied immediately by Rafferty's dry voice. "There's a hotel about twenty miles away. We'll drive you there and hope to not see your masochistic asses again for a very long time."

And so they did. We rolled up to the Canadian Motel 6-eh, surprisingly with Robin and Ishiah in tow. I'd assumed Ish would just fly the two of them back to New York, but either sex couldn't wait that long or maybe he was just tired. Who knew what kind of strain long flights were on the wings. We said goodbye to Catcher and Rafferty and they were off again so quickly I started to think that Raff didn't particularly appreciate healing our asses. I guess I couldn't blame him, but at the very least, we did keep his life interesting.

Niko was maintaining the same near-constant bodily contact that he'd started over the last week when he thought it was our _last_ week. His knee touched mine in the RV, his hand grasped my shoulder as we walked in. I didn't mind, but I also felt like maybe he needed some verbal reassurance. As Robin walked up to the counter to get us rooms, I gave Nik's braid a hard tug. "It's okay to let go, Nik. Apparently, I'm not going anywhere."

Nik met my eyes and I watched him swallow with effort, emotion suddenly flooding his face. "I'm not sure that I know how." It was a quiet admission, and a very rare one. His hand didn't leave my shoulder, and I didn't say anything else about it.

Redirecting my attention to Robin, I realized he was booking Nik's and my room as well as his own. I thought about protesting, but what was an extra fifty dollars—or, looneys? Canada dollars, whatever—on top of the three million he'd already extended for us? Goddamn generous puck made it so hard to give him the shit he deserved for pulling stunts like hypnotizing me whenever he felt like it. Singlehandedly saving our asses from burning to a sunny crisp also did not help.

We made our way up to the second floor and it seemed that Robin's façade of being okay and normal was slipping with each step. Nik and I both knew enough to linger outside our door, waiting for him to turn toward us. When he did, the look on his face had Niko stepping forward and putting his arms around our friend. "It's okay, Robin," he murmured, "we're not going anywhere right now."

Robin made a choked sound but he didn't lift his face from Niko's shoulder. He was whispering something but it took a few repetitions before I could make out what it was: "I didn't let you down this time. I didn't let you down this time."

"You saved us," was Niko's calm, resolute reply. God he was good at that. He always knew the right thing to say, and just the tone of voice that was the right amount of reassuring without sounding trite.

After a few more moments without any change in demeanor from Robin, Ishiah stepped forward and placed a hand on his back. "Come on, love. Cal and Niko will still be here in the morning, and we'll all go home. Let's sleep now."

Niko swept a hand over Robin's hair as he pulled away. Neither said anything else. Nik was so much better at this kind of thing than I was, but I stepped toward them anyway. Robin glanced at me as he gave Nik's arm a last squeeze. "You're one hard sonofabitch to keep alive." He met my eyes and just shook his head. "I'll see you tomorrow, kid," he said thickly, as if he could _almost_ believe what he was saying.

I nodded in response, and tried to look as grateful and alive as possible for him. Ishiah kissed Robin on the temple and gently pulled him away from us. I followed his cue and opened the door to Nik's and my room, holding the door open for him to pass in front of me. He went straight for the bed but eased himself onto the floor to lean against it instead of on top of it. I couldn't read his face—he looked tired but also calm but also happy but also confused. Niko wasn't easily confused. I filled a plastic cup with water from the sink and handed it to him.

"Here. You might be dehydrated. You got a lot of sun today," I said, straight-faced.

Niko's hand froze in mid-reach for the cup. "Hilarious," he said, recovering from the mirth that surely, if invisibly, must have overtaken him. He did take my offering though, and drained it. "Go take a shower, Cal."

Not happening. I still felt extraordinarily relieved, but it seemed like my brother might be experiencing some other, deeper emotions, and he couldn't just get rid of me while that was happening. "You're upset," I guessed. I still wasn't sure what that look meant.

Warm grey eyes looked up at me. "No, in fact I believe I am the furthest thing from it."

I wasn't convinced. "You're on the floor."

"The enormity of today's events is rolling over me. I'm processing, little brother. I'm sure, in a few hours, that the hamster inside your skull will experience a similar shock and all of what passes for cognitive function in your life will pause. Please go take a shower before that happens."

I took off my shirt and threw it at his head in response, and the Zen master didn't even block it. I decided to let him process and obeyed, because I sure as hell didn't get this far in life by _not_ listening to my brother.

Plus, Nik was right. All I felt at the moment was exhilaration and exhaustion. All other emotions could take a number because I wanted to just fucking enjoy victory for tonight. Victory, and hot water. I'd take a cheap shower over a snow bath any day, thank you very much Rafferty. Shampoo and generic soap helped to wash away all lingering scents of blood, Bae, and werewolf pups, and as I stepped out of the shower and caught a glimpse of my once-again black hair and eyes as grey as my brother's, I couldn't think of a single thing to complain about. Catcher had even given us a bag with spare clothes to change into, and I felt no qualms as I pulled on a pair of werewolf-hand-me-down sweatpants.

When I stepped back into the room, I was happy to find my ninja of a big brother lying in the bed rather than the floor. "See now I've always found meditation much easier from a bed than anywhere else. I knew you'd come around to my technique someday."

Niko snorted but didn't open his eyes. "Enlightenment, not sleep, is the intended result of meditating, Grasshopper."

"I think we have two very different ideas of nirvana," I replied, sitting on the edge of the bed as I finished toweling off my hair.

Nik actually cracked half a smile at that one. "Come here, Cal," he said, stretching out an arm in invitation to…cuddle up next to him? My half-asleep brother appeared to be processing tonight's events in an uncharacteristically sentimental way. I wouldn't deny him that, but I did hesitate and he said, "Pretend you're seven and humor me. It won't kill you. Not if Robin had anything to say about it, anyway."

I laughed and slid down next to him, using his shoulder as a pillow in a way I maybe hadn't since I actually was seven. Maybe it should have felt awkward, but it was just Nik and despite any macho-man pretending I might exhibit sometimes, I didn't actually care. I'd loved my big brother for centuries, and that was the one thing I could count on to not change. "I think Robin might have outsmarted both of us today."

"I'm glad he did." Niko let out a sigh and it was several moments later before he said anything else. "I've tried to protect you all your life, Cal. But really all along the Auphe could have taken you at any time. Any time. And today, I thought we were both done. I knew we were going to win and that the Auphe were finally going to lose but then Robin did what I never actually could—he saved you. Us."

I wanted to roll my eyes at how ridiculous that was. Nik wouldn't have seen if I had, but I'd been swatted enough times for doing just that that I restrained myself out of habit. "You've saved me a hundred times, Cyrano. I wouldn't have made it to today without you. And you know that. Don't be stupid."

Nik didn't say anything, but he nodded after a few seconds. The room was silent for several minutes and I thought maybe he was falling asleep, but then he said, "You smell like soap. If I keep my eyes closed, I can remember what it felt like before I knew the Auphe existed. All I had to worry about then was keeping you away from Sophia, which was pretty easy, and keeping you clean, which was less easy but still feasible."

"Well that's pretty much true again now. Except I can bathe myself these days."

I thought that would get a chuckle at least since he'd never thought much of my hygiene, but Niko opened his eyes and shook his head. He removed his arm from around me and sat up. "It's not. Look at yourself, Cal. How many scars do you have just on your chest alone?"

I looked down at my chest and wished I'd found a shirt to put on before this. So yeah there was that huge scar from when an evil thing had taken a bite out of me, and there were a dozen others, not discounting the one where Niko had stabbed me in the stomach when Darkling had possessed me. "Aw, most of those were just love bites from Delilah, though," I drawled with a grin, but Nik's expression didn't change so I tried again. "Nik, we both did the best we could with this super shitty hand that fate dealt us. We're both fine, scars and mommy issues aside. But just because I'm not going to turn into a monster or burn to death in the friggin' sun doesn't mean I'm not still going to need you to save my ass from time to time, and I for one think you do a pretty good job of it so I don't know what you're so worked up about."

Nik exhaled. "Yeah. You're right. You should have stayed in the shower longer—I obviously didn't have enough time to process all of this, and you still have some shampoo in your hair."

This time I did roll my eyes, but Niko didn't swat me because that's the response he wanted. I yawned then and Nik got up and turned out the lights before getting back into bed.

One thing from tonight was starting to sink in for me now, and it bore repeating: "I'm not going to turn into a monster."

My brother pulled me close again and, even though he wasn't going to lose me, he held on tight.


End file.
